Let’s travel back in time, when love was bitter and pain tasted like wine.~
IN MY HEAD
Just last night, I saw him in my dream. All vivid. Like I wasn’t dreaming at all. He entered the living room, surprising me and the rest of our friends. Staring at me with no expression on his face. But his eyes….they were sad. I knew they were trying to tell me something. Then, I woke. I realized it was just another fragment of the past that often appears in my dreams. Fragments I often get about him. Whenever I’m having my mind focused on other things for quite a while, he will suddenly pop in my head. Haunt my dreams, like those stuff that surprisingly come out the moment you stop looking for them. That was his “ghost” being selfish all the time. It’s like he doesn’t want me to drop my thoughts of him and start thinking of other things, or of someone else. Uh! I don’t like it when I dream of him. It reminds me just how hard it was to get him out of my system. I’ve been addicted to his memories, and I swear, I tried hard to escape from them.
they’re the sweetest.
When I was like, trapped in the depression stage, I was so afraid to let go of those memories. I used to think that if I let it all go, I would have nothing left. Memories can kill a person, but a person having no sweet memories is the poorest person alive. I would rather die. Or at the very least, be alone with just the memories. I couldn’t just let them fly since they’re all I’ve got. They were all I have left of him. Whenever I would feel a little lonely in the past, I couldn’t help but have a rerun of those memories in my head. I was a maniac playing it over and over until the loneliness subside. That was pathetic, I know.
But I’m over depression. I don’t want anyone or anything reminding me of what I used to feel. ‘Cause I wanna run my life now a little too different from how I used to when we were still together. When he was still mine. That’s not the issue now, anyway. I moved on. I think I already did accept the changes. It was pretty tough, tho. But at least, I managed to get to this point. And I am nothing but thankful. ‘Cause you know, I no longer cry myself to sleep at night and wake up the next morning still feeling bad. I’m over being hurt.
I wanna get his memories out of my head, but it seems like they’re here to stay. And since he had been a part of me, I guess the idea of forgetting will always remain impossible. ‘Cause you know, memories never really fade, they linger in the head. And that is obviously, from my experience. And in reality, once memories are made, there’s no way that you could wash ’em off, like a stain on your favorite shirt. And sure, he was one heck of a stubborn stain.
The thing is,
I heard he has found a new love now.
I’m quite happy for him.
Though it stings a little, of course.
But I’m happy for him, really.
I’m looking forward to finding mine.